A Sheer Gift

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

James 1:2-4, MSG

There have been many times this year that I have wanted to run hard away from this combination homeschool/at home way of doing education. I know I am not alone. I’ve compared notes with other mom friends doing this alongside me. Many days, it seems too hard.

Sometimes I think the homeschool days seem too difficult to endure because I compare them to the “at-school” days.  These are the two days my oldest 4 are in school and I look forward to getting stuff done.  These are the days I usually have time to look around and notice how the rest of the world is doing life. Allow me to recollect a real scenario on a lucky “at-school” day:

In between a day packed tight with errands, I slip in somewhere fantastic for a cup of coffee. Waiting in line, I venture to look out at the quaint tables amidst the snazzy jazzy music, and see a pair of women, probably my age. Almost always in yoga pants and yummy lip gloss. They are chatting, sitting comfortably, enjoying smooth caffeinated delight. They aren’t hurriedly running in and out. And why is that? Because their kids are probably in school 5 DAYS a week.

My jealousy brews over to the point that the whip cream I was looking forward to savoring just doesn’t taste quite as sweet because all I can think of his how I wish I could sit down and not run in and out between too many errands I chose to do today, the only day (let’s clarify…4 hours) I don’t have any children in tow. So, then, I wonder. Why? Why? Why? Concerning various topics, I question, “Why am I doing this?”

But, if I’m honest, the real question I’m usually asking is different. It’s this:

Why can’t my life be easier?

Father God in Heaven, who claims to love me more dearly than I can conceive, WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING ME TO DO HARD THINGS?

And therein lies the rub. I am asking God to make my life easy when His word, specifically the first chapter of James, tells me:

1. My sheer gift to you is My relentless love, that means something ONLY if you desperately need it.
2. Your faith life is this beautiful, colorful piece of artwork that takes time to create. It takes difficult patience to sit in the heat and pressure of the kiln, my dear.

So, I stay here. I stay teaching and loving and living like this for now because I’m not being called out of it. At least for now, I’m being called further inside. Deeper in is where I need to be, not fighting my way out prematurely.