Taking small, reserved steps, I heard the crumbling of soft leaves under my bare feet.
My arms swayed lightly on each side, balancing me as I walked forward. Cool breeze swept against my face. Deep inhales and exhales exacerbated my thirst.
Longing for a safe place to give my tired legs rest, I turned right, leaving behind the well worn path I had been treading.
Now, I know why I changed courses in the thickening darkness. The lingering scent of wild rosemary beckoned me to follow. And the further in the new direction I trekked, my sense of smell affirmed life. In the near distance, the sugary sweet aroma of honeysuckle lightened the heaviness of the frigid air.
In my dream, I could not see you. But I knew I had found you. Touch and hearing and scent and taste confirmed that you, Beauty, were within reach.
Faith is like that. Being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. (Hebrew 11:1)
When your own blurred vision prevents you from seeing anything more than your own two feet below, barely keeping your body steady amidst the winds of change, your other God-given senses must hold the fractured pieces of your soul together. In faith, you trust that touch will reveal something praiseworthy about your surroundings. In faith, you trust that your sense of smell and taste will lead you away from the rotten stench of death and toward the earthy scent of recently rained upon ground. In faith, you learn to trust what the sounds mean. What do the rustling steps of nearby people speak about their hearts?
So, in faith, I lunged forward, stepping just a few inches out beyond my center. Lifting my arms slightly, I opened wide my fingers, releasing two closed fists.
In silence, I waited. Stillness calmed all of me – the playful girl-body that had morphed into adolescent-body that had widened into mommy-body.
And in an unexpected moment, I accepted something new. It felt like a tidal wave of relief washing over the self judgment that kept me “in my place” for far too long. On this side of Heaven, in the freedom, Beauty came to dwell together with Body.
Thank you, Reader, for attending here. This writing space is a meant to be a safe place for storytelling and scripture searching and truth seeking for all women who desire a truthful and beautiful relationship with their bodies. You will see over the next few months some exciting changes to this site, the beginning stages of a new non-profit, www.bodytruth.org, and more links to resources as we expand this conversation about body image. And, to give credit where credit is due:
Thank you, Dr. Brent Bounds, for reminding me that “part of allowing ourselves to glimpse heaven is living in freedom to see ourselves as Christ does — rescued, redeemed, renewed.”