Juleeta Harvey

The C.S. Lewis Quote that Keeps Coming in the Cold

February 22, 2018 By Juleeta Leave a Comment

These steps lead to the quiet riverbed by my friend’s country home. In the cold, when the rains hold off, it is still and peaceful here.

A few thoughts to wrap up Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Father, thank you for saving us from ourselves.

We are like the Israelites who have to be told, over and over, that we are not God over our lives. We often find ourselves whirling from one thing to the next, tottering on the fine point of a spinning top, and we wonder in the too-much doing:

How can I keep going like this?

Is it safe to slow down?

Can I sit in la mezcla of my happy and my hurt, taking the time to inhale and exhale my self?

But you assert yourself, for our good. You remind us that you have brought us out of a wilderness that leads to promise and healing. You speak into our noisy life, I am your way out of the “always winter but never Christmas” (Lewis). “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:2-3).

You promise to deliver us from how we once saw ourselves – not like-that-girl-enough, not attractive enough, not fast enough, not revered enough.

Today, we practice the art of believing — You desire to restore us to sound thinking so that we can make decisions for sound body-image seeing.

Crazy Hungry: Seeking Sanity

February 15, 2018 By Juleeta 1 Comment

This image speaks to our longing…for something better. Father, help us see how to seek sanity this morning. Photo by Caleb George on Unsplash

It is a hard day to reconcile. We hurt for those who are living and grieving yesterday’s shooting. Come in close as you take the next few minutes to read.

Your desire for sanity and sound mental health, and everything in you that desires the fruit of loving the Lord with your heart, mind, soul, and strength – I’m inviting you to seek and pray for it today. Because the prayers of His people wield a mighty force in the battle against depravity that sometimes leads to insanity.

As we pray and grieve, we forge ahead in the 12 Steps, lingering for a few weeks in Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I was reading the definition of sanity this morning, and it reads this vaguely: “the quality or state of being sane.”

But before I moved on to looking up the root word, sane, I read how the dictionary’s authors used sanity in a sentence. After all, any English teacher worth her weight in words seeks clarification from the sample sentences. They read as follows:

People have begun to doubt his sanity.
She is the mother of six children but somehow keeps her sanity.
The sanity of the decision was never in question.

Crazy Hungry: Let the Adventure Begin

February 1, 2018 By Juleeta 3 Comments

“Crazy Hungry” came to me after listening to my friend, Sue, tell hilarious and sometimes, crazy stories.

Over the years, I’ve heard the wild and crazy details of my dearest friends’ lives, particularly wonderful stories about their families. We all have so many stories to tell, but Sue’s stories are somehow the most hilarious to me because she has this amazing way of remaining present in a situation, picking up each person’s responses in that particular moment, and then retelling the details with fluidity. She can tell you, from beginning to end, what face this woman was making in her living room while this child was screaming bloody murder upstairs while her husband continued baking an apple pie in the kitchen while she just stayed present, in the crazy of it all.

For years, my hunger made me crazy. Absolutely, hands down, borderline insane. And somehow I was able to appear that I was managing just fine. I was able to maintain high achiever status : excellent grades, a desirable weight, relationships with family and friends, and sometimes an ability to serve others that was regarded as strong or brave.

Finally, after living that way for twenty-ish years, one mercy-filled husband and five children later, I couldn’t hide the crazy any more or the hunger. I needed a new way. I look back and am so thankful. The Lord was good to intervene, and I started Recovery for Life.

But let me add this… [Read more…] about Crazy Hungry: Let the Adventure Begin

On Aly Raisman’s Statement, “I Assumed I Was the Problem

January 23, 2018 By Juleeta Leave a Comment

Photo credited to Scott Bregman

After listening to Aly Raisman’s testimony on Friday, this line resonated with me. She relayed so many poignant statements, but these words of hers played over and over again in my head.

“I assumed I was the problem.”

Aly Raisman’s court testimony on Friday begs us to start here.

We don’t start with the history that reveals Larry Nassar has been secretly abusing and taking advantage of innocent young women for at least thirty years, or that Aly Raisman was merely thirteen when he began abusing her, the then-future captain of the 2012 and 2016 USA Women’s Olympic Gymnastic teams, or that he has been sentenced to 60 years of prison for child pornography charges, or that it is predicted that well over 100 women will emerge and speak in court about how he sexually abused them under the guise of providing them “medical treatment” necessary for their athletic success.

We’re not going to start there.

We’re going to start at the beginning.

We’re going to start with our children.

We going to start with one of Satan’s prized tools that guides all people, especially young people, who suffer sexual abuse, into the corner of shame and humiliation and silence.

FEAR.

We’re going to start with the FEAR that Aly Raisman experienced as a young woman who tried to speak up but was told to be quiet. Because FEAR is the sword that the father of lies wields at us when we try to find words for sins that we don’t know how to weigh. For sins we don’t know how to recognize. For sins we are embarrassed we were even in the same room with, much less forced to be a part of.

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What do we teach our child athletes, the students in our classrooms, the patients in our offices, our very own precious children laying down in bed at night as we pull back their messy, numbered hairs and kiss their foreheads sweet dreams?

We teach them to speak up when something doesn’t feel right. We teach them it is imperative to move beyond FEAR.

But that means we have to listen to a thousand meaningless stories in the in between years: the years between the time they are placed into our arms and the time they are 11 and 13 and 19 years old. I think our parent-listening is an essential way for us to gain ground against the villain of FEAR. In order for our precious ones to trust us as safe places to receive their not-so-safe stories, we have to endure being present for all these other seemingly long, often drawn out stories they share. There are all these stories about preschool playground quibbles and thoughts on dinosaurs living in outer space we have to engage in if they’re ever going to come to us with the hard stuff.

We have to lean into all these child-sense conversations so that we can hear the one that might point us to something they don’t know how to say. But are willing to say. Because they know we won’t silence them.

We will listen. After listening, we will quiet our hearts and affirm. We will not allow FEAR to lead them to believe that they are the problem.

Courtesy of photographer London Scout @scoutthecity

Mommas, we have believed this about ourselves. As we have navigated our childhood, our teenage years, and beyond, some of us have been driven by FEAR in an attempt to be loved and accepted and known. Some of us have spent years believing that our own stories of sexual abuse are not worth recounting because we believed that we were the problem.

But we will call out this lie now that we know better; we will stand with this next generation of women because that is what Christian, Jesus-believing women are called to do.

I have said this before, but I can’t help repeating it here. We have viewed ourselves as the weaker sex, and in many ways, when assessing physical strength, we are weaker than our male counterparts. This physical comparison to men has has led many of us to perceive our “comparative” weaknesses as debilitating. We have looked in the mirror and despised ourselves for our imperfections and allowed our disappointments to feed a fear that is unjustified and unhealthy.

Our fears have perpetuated our distrust, to the point that many of us do not trust our only source of humanity. We do not even trust our own bodies.

How long will Christian women sit and wonder, Is it appropriate for me to speak about what is going on out there? How long will we say, What’s going on out there doesn’t really affect me? How long will we believe our voice is only a minority in the cacophony of female voices and that speaking up is probably just a waste of time?

Women abiding in Christ have a responsibility to speak up now and share in the sisterhood that compels women to speak for how they were created. Standing off to the side and separating ourselves from the women “over there” will leave the church believing that it can take a pass on speaking truth. But that truth is ours to speak.

We need to speak about how our bodies have been assaulted and abused and pillaged at the hands of those who take advantage of the weak. Because it pours into a bigger picture of how we see ourselves. And how we see our children. Victims of sexual abuse and assault — We are not the problem!

When we begin believing that there is strength to be gained by seeing ourselves as cherished, satisfied, beautiful, formidable, and well worth the effort of preserving, then we start believing these bodies are worth the effort of taking care of, worth the emotional energy of respecting, worth the reshaping of our imaginations to protect. We will have to stare down weight stigma and body shame with a steadfast, piercing glare, call it out for what it is, which is a sack full of LIES, and shove it to the curb.

Because the time is now.

The time is up!

Jesus has always been the embodiment of hope in the midst of heart breaking confession. Jesus has always been the hands and feet of love in the midst of violence and oppression. Jesus has always been the voice of life that emerges in the swells that speak of fear.

Father, help us believe in the POWER of Your Son, Jesus, who reminds us that our desire for righteousness is worth fighting for. We go out there, assured of your blessing.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied” (Matthew 5:6).

Jesus has been saying, “The Time is UP!” Will we listen?

January 18, 2018 By Juleeta 2 Comments

Snuggling into Girls Retreat with cozy blankets last weekend, I enjoyed the freedom of Time. I committed the two days to write and to catch up on thinking adult thoughts. I came hoping to focus and reenergize, breathing in the clean West Texas air and watching the sunset sparkle on the glassy surface of the Brazos.

Specifically, I prioritized a few things. I told myself that I would wakeup to the morning slowly, take pictures in pretty light, and meditate on words I’ve been unraveling in my mind – DARE, SATISFIED, HUNGER, FLOURISH.

And, on a lighter note, I told myself that I would prioritize watching Oprah’s Golden Globe acceptance speech. I had been thinking about it all week as listeners tweeted their approval and news outlets prioritized the content as moving and remarkable.

So, Saturday evening, my hands wrapped around a toasty mug of Earl Grey tea, I committed a few minutes to the task. [Read more…] about Jesus has been saying, “The Time is UP!” Will we listen?

Crazy Hungry: Lies and Closing Down for Maintenance

January 11, 2018 By Juleeta 1 Comment

We jump into a pool of lies.

You should lose weight.

You should be thinner.

Surgery should fix that (on you.)

Holding our noses on the way down and gasping for breath upon reaching the surface, treading anxiously, we beg for God’s grace to keep our heads above water. The exercise fixes and fad diets and 30-day plans and out-patient procedures threaten to drown our barely flailing bodies as we fight to see beyond the lies. Some days the battle for self-acceptance is exhausting to the point of surrender.

Why even try?

And on the better days, the gravitas doesn’t feel so heavy. The burden of the culture’s messaging weighs lighter, and we feel just brave enough to ask.

Father, will you please help me see me like You see me?

We beg to see Truth. We cry out, like the Israelites, Let us see you. Let us know you. Show us the way. We are desperate and hungry for more.

We plead with Him to feed our starving souls. But how does that happen? HOW does Yahweh actually begin a good and new work in us so that we begin replacing long-believed lies with His truth?

We know His character is consistent. He wants to feed us. He wants to satisfy us. He wants to fill our shallow places.

So, it seems that the hurdle to us believing and living Truth is US. We know the truth about God, but what about us?

What is the truth about US?

It’s the same truth that our human bodies have been toiling with since the beginning, and the Bible if full of stories that remind us of the truth about us. We don’t want to recognize the destruction that’s right in front of us; we want to merry-skip over the rubble and get some healing and move on. But that’s why I love the story of Nehemiah. It reminds us that rebuilding and healing always requires two things: 1) Faith and 2) Action.

As cupbearer to the King, Nehemiah held a favorable position in the Medo-Persian court. After hearing from a friend the dire situation of the exiles who had returned to Jerusalem years before, he was burdened to pray. Before he asks God for anything, his troubled heart recognizes God has always been the “one who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him” (1:5).

Next, as he girds his loins to ask the King’s permission to leave and rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, he considers God’s long-ago promise to Moses: “If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations, but if you return to me and obey my commands, then if even if your exiled people are at the farthest horizon, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place I have chosen as a dwelling for my Name” (1:8-10). (Read on and you will see how 1) Nehemiah is emboldened to ask Artaxerxes permission to return to his homeland and 2) Artaxerxes agrees to the journey home and funds the trip in its entirety.)

Clearly, Nehemiah has great faith. He understands the character of Yahweh, and he retains an unyielding belief that God desires the rebuilding of Jerusalem.

And, here is where it gets hard for us. But Nehemiah gets it. He is willing to take action. He takes three days to carefully assess the city, and rather than starting a pep rally and hoping his motivational speech spurs the people to work, he announces exactly what is before them. Nehemiah brings the people together, and his first words describe the condition of the land, exactly as it is. Its state is deplorable.

I imagine him looking out – crumbled stones strewn about, burned remains scattered amongst patches of scorched earth — breathing deeply, strengthening his heart to speak.

“You see the trouble we are in. Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire”(2:17).

Nehemiah recognizes the trouble, and that is the first action he pursues. In order to do the good work of rebuilding, one must first recognize the destruction.

Are we willing to do that? Or is the truth about US this? We would rather lie about our real struggles, the mess that lies at our feet, than tell the truth about the trouble we are in.

I ask this because, before the Jewish people set out to work on any rebuilding and before we get to work on any healing, one thing seems clear. It appears we need to, at least, state the obvious about the mess we’re in.

In this endeavor to study God’s Word and see how it is foundational to what we believe about these bodies we live in, I am challenging myself to start writing down the ugly and sad things I have believed about my body. Someone might call it “journaling,” others might call it “taking inventory,” but I’m calling it “making a list”– Calling out the Lies.

I even took the introductory assessment in Thomas Cash’s The Body Image Workbook, as part of “my research” and efforts to root out these sad things I’ve been believing. And, at first, it made me feel very uncomfortable. And then a little angry.

Here are some of the questions, somewhat paraphrased for simplicity, I was challenged to mull over:

Name any of your physical characteristics you dislike? (ie. facial features, waist, lower torso (hips, thighs), height, muscle tone, etc.)
How often (maybe in one week) do you think a)”I wish I were better looking?” and b)”I wish I looked like someone else?”
What kinds of social gatherings (ie. pool, party where you know few people, or even hosting in your home) trigger negative emotions about your body image?

In response to probably every section of the assessment, I wanted to lie. It was easy to see how I “should have” responded to the questions.

Yes, I have some dislikes about my body, but they don’t really affect me. Sure I wish I looked different, but that’s a first world problem. Of course, I scan the room at large social gatherings and feel insecure in my skin, but that’s just a few seconds wasted on sizing myself up. No harm done.

But these are lies. There is harm done. There is a reckoning that needs to be made. And for most of us, our cisterns have been filled to overflowing with lies for so long, there’s no room for truth.

And here’s the real truth that I believe God wants for my fighting heart: He doesn’t want me to jump in the pool of lies any longer, barely coming up for air. But that means I’m going to have to climb out, take a time out, and start processing what lies I’m believing so that I can make room for the Truth my Healer longs to deliver.

I thought that the next step to healing was praying more and focusing more and reading God’s word more. But I was wrong. The next step is action-based and it’s clearly confessional. And it was always meant to be. Spending the next few days writing down the lies, confronting them, and shaking my finger at the father of lies might be part of throwing out the old ways and shutting this down. Closing down for maintenance.